


liar of mine

by violetholdsme



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arranged Marriage, Begging, Blow Jobs, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Sex, Enemies to Friends, Fights, Friends With Benefits, Lies, M/M, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Porn With Plot, Safe Sane and Consensual, Seemingly unrequited love, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:27:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28652742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetholdsme/pseuds/violetholdsme
Summary: Hongseokneededhim. But Jinho neededhim.And he was too far gone to do anything about it now.
Relationships: Jo Jinho | Jino/Yang Hongseok
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41





	liar of mine

**Author's Note:**

> my hand slipped 
> 
> (this is based on [monster in me](%E2%80%9C) and [more than words](%E2%80%9C) both by little mix)

He should’ve expected it.

“Yang Hongseok!”

Jinho should have expected that this day would come, when he would walk into his apartmentー _their_ apartmentーwith his shaking hands clenched into fists, eyes glossed over just enough to sting, yelling out his fiancé’s name without care for the neighbors or the ache in his throat.

“Jinho? You’re home already? What’s wrong?”

But, of course, Jinho didn’t expect it. Or, at the very least, he simply chose ignoranceーand Jinho doesn’t know which is worse.

“You’re a fucking _liar_.”

Jinho laced the words with as much venom as he could muster, almost shaky through his gritted teeth, and he didn’t care to take notice of Hongseok’s expression from across the room. He only stared as the other man abandoned the cutting board in the kitchen to make his way over to where Jinho stood, concern tainting his features as if it had the slightest right to be there. 

Jinho thinks bitterly that the food on the kitchen counter seems to mock him, too, the unfinished vegetables waiting to be cut under Hongseok’s skillful knife, as if they ever served their purpose, as if Hongseok hadn’t built lie after lie atop even the simplest of their dinners.

“I don’t understand.”

And of course, Hongseok _has_ to feign innocence, hide behind that deceptive kind gaze of his like he hadn’t caused Jinho the worst pain of his life, by his own will. Or perhaps he truly didn’t remember, or even _care_ enough to remember, seeing as he had kept up the charade for so long. So fucking long.

Jinho goes back to his previous thoughts and decides that yes, ignorance is worse.

“You lied to me,” Jinho simply repeated. “You knew how much this hurt me, and you _lied_ to me. I trusted you. I fucking _trusted_ you!”

The kind of pain in Jinho’s features was something Hongseok had seen only a few times before, and the younger man didn’t even have any time to be startled by Jinho raising his voice. Hongseok knew exactly what this was about. He knew, by the way his fiancé looked at him, how it would crumble and then fall apart.

“Did my mother speak to you?”

“How dare you,” Jinho scoffed, looking away to stifle the tears threatening to fall. “This is _your_ fucking fault. Don’t try to tell me this isn’t your fault.”

_Jinho was only about to leave when Hongseok’s mother slipped in a remark, casual as ever, fitting for the way she had no knowledge that it would tear his world apart._

_“I cannot thank you enough for doing this, Jinho. Hongseok was very happy to fulfill his duty to his family.”_

_“I doubt it,” Jinho said, scoffing under his breath._

_“What was that?”_

_“Nothing,” he paused, expression stoic as ever. “I just doubt that forcing him into this marriage made him_ happy, _but rest assured we’ll_ fulfill our duties _nonetheless.”_

_Jinho had learned not to think the woman unkind, or at the very least to try and understand her unkind notions, but all he could see at that moment was the exact opposite. This woman took away Jinho’s life, along with the rest of her cruel family._

_There were no exceptions to that rule, apparently, as she cleanly stated her next words._

_“You know that this union was Hongseok’s idea, do you not?”_

_Jinho’s expression faltered into something almost painful, the pit of his stomach in knots like he was teetering over the edge of a cliff._

_“You forced him into this. You forced both of us.”_

_“My son did what he had to do to save our family’s name. However he did it is none of my concern now, but he knows how to get what he wants. And he did. That is all that matters to me.”_

_“You’re lying.”_

_“We all tell lies,” she said. “None of them are perfect, but they get the job done. You should be used to it by now.”_

Hongseok could only look at Jinho with regret, not having enough room in his head to register the feeling of dread looming over him.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Jinho.”

“Fuck you,” was all that came after, before Jinho started hitting Hongseok’s shoulder weakly, desperately, still careful despite all his anger. 

Jinho knew that he was crying now, breaths heavy and weighing down his chest. It was more than he could control, and the sobs wracked his body as the truth of it all started to sink in.

“You took my life away from me,” Jinho breathed out, barely understandable through his sobs. “You told me we were both forced into this by our parents, that you hated it just as much as I did. But you did it to save your family’s reputation, andーyou used me, you fucking _used_ meー”

“No.” Hongseok shook his head quickly, cutting him off while trying to reach out and take Jinho into his arms, only to be shoved away just as quick as he had touched skin.

“Don’tー!” Jinho yelled, chest still heaving, making no effort at all to collect himself. “You knew how much this hurt me. You _knew_. All those nights, you fucking knew _,_ and you didn’t fucking _care_!”

Jinho had no idea what to do with his arms, only hugging himself tight because there was nothing else to hold onto. He recalled every night that he would lose control, sob into Hongseok’s chest without much care that he was letting the other man see him so vulnerable, so fucking _broken._ He had promised himself he wouldn’t give in to the life his parents had built before him, one so bent on money and power that it made him nothing but a pawn in their game, and yet here he wasーbound to marry for wealth and power and saving face, for anything other than love. Jinho hated it from the moment he was told that it was already set in stone, and he at least thought that he and his fucking _betrothed_ had that in common. It made it that much easier to let Hongseok see him cry, to walk into their shared apartment every evening and _try_ for him, to be a good partner and a good friend and a good person, but Jinho was apparently mistaken. All that Hongseok had done for him now seemed as if it was out of pity more than respect, more a penance than true goodwill. They were never really the same at all.

“I care, Jinho,” Hongseok said, unfazed by Jinho pushing him away, simply trying this time to pull him in with more fervor. “I’m so sorry.”

Jinho let himself be pulled in this time, no longer having enough strength to care that Hongseok kept lying to him. Jinho let Hongseok pull him into his chest because Hongseok was all he had now, pathetic as it was, and perhaps he was weak or naive for letting the very cause of his pain bring him comfort, make him feel safe. But Jinho cried all the tears that he had into Hongseok’s chest, the loudest of his sobs muffled in the fabric of his sweater that was getting crumpled under the grip of his fists, and Jinho hated that he was glad it was himーJinho was painfully glad that it was Hongseok who hurt him like this, Hongseok who still made him feel safe, shielded him against the world as if he wasn’t the one who fired the gun in the first place, because Jinho doesn’t think he would’ve been able to bear the pain if it were anyone else.

Jinho hates the possibility that he might have felt _love_ , even in a situation he was so desperately trying to avoid his whole life. After six months of living with him, Jinho hates that it’s usually quiet when he returns home and he misses the sound of Hongseok’s voice, and he hates that it’s what he looks for when the thoughts in his head are too loud. Jinho hates that Hongseok cares for him, tells him he’s trying to give him at least a comfortable life, if not happy, and he hates that he lets himself smile despite the statement’s obvious implications. Jinho hates that he loves Hongseok because he had mistaken Hongseok’s gentleness to be _love_ as well, taken the dinners he cooked every night as a sign of affection and the heated touches in bed as intimacy, and Jinho hates that their relationship is transactional and always has been, only in a way he never expected it to be. Because they needed each other, but it was very clear now in what way. 

Hongseok _needed_ him. But Jinho needed _him._

And he was too far gone to do anything about it now.

“Do you know what hurts the most?” Jinho asked, moving his head away from Hongseok’s chest, but not letting go.

“What?”

“If you would’ve just told me about your situation,” Jinho paused, bringing a hand up to cradle his fiancé’s cheek, “If you had just told me the _truth_ , I would’ve married you without a second thought.”

“That’s not true,” Hongseok laughed a little, and it was soft and timid and real, no defiance laced into the breath of air. He brought his own hand up to touch the back of Jinho’s palm, already timing the motions of his thumb. “You would’ve hated me. Just like you hated me at the start.”

“Yes,” Jinho laughed along breathily, finally letting himself smile despite the hurt in his heart, look into Hongseok’s eyes without caring much about the guilt in them. “But I would’ve learned to love you anyway. Just like I did all this time. Just like I still do, now.”

Jinho thinks that Hongseok must have thought him weak after the sudden admittance. He made no show of it, if he did, and Jinho hates that it almost makes him hopeーbut Jinho realized seconds ago that he had been learning so eagerly to love everything that he hates, and when Hongseok’s lips press against his forehead Jinho can do nothing but melt, bringing the hand on Hongseok’s face down to his chest to urge him to do more.

Jinho hopes that he had used up all his bad luck, that he was right to assume that this was the only thing left for them that wasn’t a lie. Hongseok’s lips trail down his cheek to his jaw until they reach his neck, and Jinho doesn’t even try to stifle the sound that leaves his mouth. Despite the lies that have left Hongseok’s tongue, Jinho trusts all the kisses that leave his lips. He understands that they mean _I’m sorry_ more than _I love you_ but he doesn’t care, because at least he knows this time that it’s the truth. Whenever they spoke with touches and sounds, maybe it had always been truer than any words they could say. Maybe it was enough. Maybe Jinho wanted so bad to have something _true_ right now, no matter the cost or consequence.

Hongseok continues his trail of kisses against his neck and Jinho lets out a moan, slipping his hands under Hongseok’s sweater just to trace lightly onto his back. Hongseok started to pull away at the touch, but Jinho held him in place, letting out a breath when Hongseok stopped kissing him. Jinho tried to pull him back but he was quickly cut off, Hongseok slipping in a remark despite still catching his breath.

“You’re angry at me, Jinho. I don’t want to trap you into anything else.”

Hongseok sounded genuine, guilty. But Jinho didn’t really care for words right now, and simply tried to pull Hongseok back onto him to let him know it was okay. Hongseok wasn’t having it.

“I need to know what you want,” Hongseok said, voice more timid than Jinho had ever heard it. “Tell me.”

Jinho tries not to think about how stupid he is, how desparate he’s proving himself to be. But it’s easy to forget it all when he thinks about the first time they had each other like this, telling each other that if they couldn’t have love then they’d at least give each other pleasure, passion, fire. And it had always been as true and good as the first time, all the secrets and despair lost in the heat of their skin and breath. Jinho wants it. He wants to feel Hongseok touch him, taste him. Jinho wants it because it’s the only place he’s ever been sure that Hongseok _wants_ him, too.

“You know exactly what I want,” Jinho breathed against his ear. “You used it to get me into this mess, remember?”

Hongseok’s breath hitches at the challenge in his tone, the too-many meanings of everything Jinho had just said. Hongseok resumed his kissing when Jinho pulled him back this time, sucking harder on the sensitive skin of his neck. Jinho traced circles on Hongseok’s back before pulling the sweatshirt over his head, the tear-soaked bundle of black fabric forgotten as Jinho wasted no time trailing kisses down Hongseok’s chest. Hongseok simply watched him work, letting out a heavy breath with every tease of Jinho’s tongue on his nipples. Hongseok brought a hand into his fiancé’s hair and tugged, gentler than usual but enough to make him whimper, while his other hand trailed down Jinho’s torso, slow and tentative.

Jinho brought his lips away from sucking bruises on Hongseok’s chest when he felt a hand pressed against him, firm but unmoving, asking him for permission. Jinho threw his head back when he moved his hips forward against Hongseok’s palm, letting the other man surge forward in time with the motion to put his lips all over him again, the way they memorized. Jinho already felt himself getting hard as Hongseok palmed him and nipped at his collarbones, and the room was filling up with the familiar heat that Jinho had come to desire ever since the first time he felt it. 

Jinho peeled off his own shirt and Hongseok made quick work of him, withdrawing his palm from Jinho’s crotch before a rushed trail of kisses down his chest and waist. Jinho could feel him holding back, stillーmore of those _I’m sorry_ kisses leaving his now-swollen lipsーbut he paid it no mind as Hongseok got on his knees to unzip his jeans, pulling them down along with his underwear. The air was cold when Jinho felt himself left bare; he was half-hard, precum smearing at the tip of his cock, and Hongseok looked him in the eye in a split-second of hesitation. Jinho nodded quickly, needing the feeling he was so familiar with, and Hongseok took in a breath before taking the head of Jinho’s cock into his mouth. Jinho let out a moan as he slipped his fingers into Hongseok’s hair, trying desperately not to fuck into the wet heat.

Hongseok started bobbing his head, his cheeks hollowed out and his tongue swirling on Jinho’s tip ever so often, using what he had memorized of Jinho, dragging high-pitched whines out of him easily because he knew what the other man liked. Hongseok felt himself straining in his sweatpants as well as he swallowed around the cock in his mouth, a mix of Jinho’s precum and his own saliva making a mess of him, while Jinho thrusted into him shallowly and whimpered quietly with pleasure. The sight and the feeling always made Hongseok dizzy with desire, but he pulled off of Jinho at a moment’s notice, if only just to tease, just to make his thighs shake and see his pupils blown out.

Jinho let himself whine at the loss of touch, but he recovered quickly when Hongseok stood up to grab the sides of his hips, hooking one leg on his waist before Jinho leapt up with the other. Jinho moaned at the press of his dick against Hongseok’s defined muscle as he carried him, taking the familiar route to Hongseok’s bedroom where they’d had each other more times than Jinho can even remember. When Hongseok lays him down naked on the bed, Jinho watches him undress, recalling all the other times they were together in darkness with their clothes on the floor, lost deep in each other like everything around them was as true as their desire. Jinho almost forgot about the lies, he almost forgot that he was simply putting a pause on the rest of his world crumbling before him. He almost forgot that Hongseok had lied to him, that he should _hate_ him. Almost.

“Come here.”

Hongseok did as he was told, getting on top of Jinho before responding, voice raspy from their previous endeavors. “Do you really want this, Jinho?”

Jinho almost lets the tears slip past his eyes again. 

Almost. 

“Do you think you can learn to love me, too, Hongseok?”

Hongseok doesn’t answer, only brings his lips back down onto Jinho’s body with more kisses of _I’m sorry_ , and Jinho doesn’t know if it relieves or disappoints him, but it’s enough. Because he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to trust Hongseok’s words again, but he still wants something of himーJinho still _wants him_ ーhe wants his touch and his breath and his scent, he wants it all over and within him, and he at least knows enough to know that Hongseok wants something of the sort, too.

“Tell me what you want.”

“Just fuck me,” Jinho said, tingling from the heat of skin against his own. “Please, Hongseok. Just fuck me.”

Hongseok wasted no time, immediately grabbing the lube on their bedside table and taking the liquid on his fingers. Jinho watched him eagerly as he felt his thighs shake and his cock twitch, only wanting Hongseok’s touch.

Jinho moaned shamelessly when he felt a finger on his rim, Hongseok keeping his eyes locked on him as he swirled the digit around teasingly. He wanted more, _so much more,_ and he moved his hips forward to urge him on. Hongseok finally slipped a finger inside of him after a few more thrusts of his hips, and Jinho tried to take him deeper, faster, trying to look greedy for it instead of desperate. But Hongseok knew him better.

Still, Hongseok was adamant, letting Jinho take whatever he wanted from him, adding a second finger when Jinho asked for _more, more, more,_ scissoring him open and brushing against his prostate the way he liked. 

Jinho knew something was different when Hongseok added a third finger, watching over him silently all the while. Hongseok was holding back on him in a way he never did before, and this time Jinho _hated_ it, he _really_ did. He wanted Hongseok to take his sweet time with him, kiss him like he was hungry instead of sorry, not care about the weight of the unanswered questions between them. He wanted Hongseok to devour him, maybe even destroy him, wanted this to be truth instead of penance.

“ _Fuck_ ー” Jinho cried out when Hongseok brushed his fingers hard against his prostate, the pleasure wracking through him in waves. He clawed at the sheets, back arching off the bed. He was too far gone and Hongseok hadn’t even fucked him yet, hadn’t touched him and talked to him the way he always did. And in the midst of fuck all, Jinho missed his voice againーhe always didーand he wanted to make Hongseok moan, wanted to hear him scream, Jinho wanted whispers in his ear instead of heated silence.

“Hongseok.”

The younger man looked up and pulled his fingers out, breath hitching when Jinho chased after him. “Jinho.”

“I need you.”

“You have me.”

At those words, Jinho lets a tear slip out of his eye before he even realized it was there. Hongseok gave him a faint smile, still tainted with a hint of regret, before moving off of him and towards the nightstand. Jinho felt his heart race as he watched Hongseok roll on a condom and slick himself up with lube, wrapping a hand around his neglected cock and moaning at the touch. Jinho wanted him. He knew that he wanted him, _needed_ him, so fucking bad. He wanted to have Hongseok all to himself, to _really_ have him, not just his money or apologies. He wanted to marry him and not have it be a fucking _business arrangement._ He just wanted _him._ Hongseok, Hongseok, Hongseok. Only him.

Hongseok kept their eyes locked when he eased Jinho’s legs further apart, guiding his cock towards his entrance. Jinho hated the hesitation, the way he could see the calculations running through Hongseok’s head and stopping him from doing what they always did. He wanted it gone. But the thought slipped out of his head momentarily when he felt Hongseok pushing into him, the familiar stretch of his cock taking Jinho apart in pain and pleasure, and he let out a dragged out whine as all of Hongseok slipped into him.

“Tell me if it’s too much, like always.”

“Yes,” Jinho breathed out, needy for more, “You can move. _Please._ ”

Hongseok did as he was told, spurred on by the neediness in Jinho’s pleads and whimpers. He kept his thrusts slow and deliberate, licking his lips and moaning at the sensations. Jinho was taking him so eagerly, moving his own hips in time with his thrusts, letting precum drip onto his stomach as Hongseok sped up. Hongseok lifted Jinho’s legs off the bed, fucking into him harder when he cried out in pleasure, drunk on the feeling.

Jinho knew exactly what he was doing when he brought his own hand down lower, reaching for his cock before pausing to look at the other man.

“Hongseok,” he uttered between moans, “wanna touch myself.”

Jinho saw the flicker in Hongseok’s eyes that he was hoping for, letting the breath get knocked out of his lungs when Hongseok let his legs drop back onto the bed, reaching instead for his wrists to pin them above his head.

“What are you trying to do, Jinho?” Hongseok asked, still thrusting into him.

“Stop holding back,” he slurred. “Fuck, Hongseok, justー _ah_ ー stop holding back. Just _ruin_ me.”

Hongseok sped up his thrusts at that, still keeping Jinho’s wrists pinned firmly above his head. He was getting lost in the heat, loving the feeling of Jinho clenching around him, the sight of Jinho challenging him, asking him, _begging_ him to be rough the way he liked. Hongseok knew he didn’t deserve this, but he was taking it anyway. There was nothing he could do; the selfish part of him wanted Jinho, and the selfish part of Jinho wanted him, too. So he gives and he takes and he forgets that they ever yelled and screamed and called each other liars. There was no such thing as the perfect lie. But maybe that was better, because Hongseok didn’t want them to be perfect, and he doesn’t know when he realized it but he doesn’t want them to be a lie, either.

“HongseokーI’m gonna come. Let me come, _please._ ”

Hongseok let himself get lost in the haze, feeling himself get closer to his climax from those words alone. He continued what he was doing, hitting Jinho’s prostate with every other movement of his hips, watching him come undone.

“Beg for it.”

“Please,” Jinho stuttered out, nearly crying from pleasure. “I’ve been good. Please, I need it, let me comeー”

Jinho let out a strangled moan when Hongseok wrapped a hand around the base of his neglected cock, restraining him. It hurt so _good_ , Jinho hated and loved it, and he wanted it all the same.

“Beg me. Tell me how bad you want it.”

“ _Fuck,”_ Jinho whimpered, voice high and breathy. “So bad. Want it so bad. Let me show you how good it feels, fuck, please, _Hongseok._ Please.”

The words made Hongseok weak, much too weak for his liking, but he couldn’t bring himself to care and he released his hold, thrusting into Jinho messily as the smaller man moaned and screamed messy murmurs of his name.

If the euphoric high wasn’t enough, Jinho never expected what he felt nextーthat Hongseok would lean down to swallow up his moans and cries as he came untouched on both of their stomachs, pressing their lips together and letting him have something he had never known the feeling of. Hongseok always kissed him on his cheeks and his neck and his thighs and everywhere but his lips, Hongseok kissed him tonight to say _I’m sorry_ but this kiss said something different—Jinho can feel Hongseok coming inside of him while their mouths are pressed together, swallowing each other’s moans, and there are too many things for him to focus on. But he sticks with remembering the question they left hanging in the air and thinks that Hongseok’s mouth on his own is saying _yes, I can learn to love you, I can let myself need you, only you._ And Jinho’s selfish hands are what pull Hongseok down by the back of his neck to keep kissing him, as if Jinho thought he’d have to get more of it while he still could. Jinho always wished that if Hongseok ever kissed him like this he would _want_ it, and yet Hongseok seems to transcend _want_ as he goes in for more and Jinho savors it like he’s surprised it hasn’t yet gone. It’s almost bittersweet how much softer Hongseok’s lips are on Jinho’s own than anywhere else on his skin, and how he can still taste himself on Hongseok’s wandering tongue. He wants to drown in it. 

Even as it dawns on him that the moment will soon be over, Jinho wants to drown in it, let it last an eternity for all he cares.

“Stay here tonight, Jinho.”

Even if he’s the fool, even if staying would make liars of them both. He wanted to stay.

“I will.”

* * *

Jinho lay awake in Hongseok’s bed after they’d cleaned up and tried to fall asleep, ever the fool, wondering if the warmth wrapped around him was anything to get used to. He could feel Hongseok breathe, the shallow kinds of breaths that signal he’s awake, and Jinho turns to face him. Just to see him. Just to take him in.

Hongseok pressed a soft kiss on his lips, so uncharacteristically gentle in comparison to all the others Jinho’s felt from him before. 

“We don’t have to get married.”

Jinho was taken aback.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want us to pretend everything’s okay,” Hongseok said, gently. “You were right. I _am_ a liar. I trapped you into this marriage, I took away a huge part of your life. Of _you_.” 

Hongseok braced himself, knowing he can no longer take back what he was going to say next. But he had to. He owed it to Jinho. He owed it to them both. 

“We can postpone the wedding if you want to think about it, or call it off altogether. It’s not too late for you to take your life back.”

Jinho hummed, pondering it, but he didn’t really have to ponder much at all. He traced lines on his fiancé’s chest instead, speaking quietly into the dark.

“Your family will suffer without this marriage. You know that.”

“You’re far more important.”

Jinho stopped the motions of his fingers abruptly at that, before responding timidly.

“No more lies, Hongseok.”

“It’s the truth,” he pressed a kiss into his fiancé’s lips. “Any hardship or dishonor or any of that bullshit—I can bear it. I won’t condemn you to an unhappy life or a loveless marriage. I can bear it as long as you’re happy. As long as it’s you.”

Jinho simply hummed, continuing his soft touches from earlier.

“Would it be loveless?” Jinho asked.

“What?”

“You’ll learn to love me, right?”

Jinho smirked though Hongseok couldn’t see it in the dark, and he knew. No matter the lies they were built on, the pain and cruel twists of fate, the love they shared was true. Borrowed and bruised and fragile—but true.

“As long as it’s you, Jinho,” Hongseok responded, even though he knew he had probably already learned to love Jinho, knew how to do it better than anyone, long before he even realized it. “As long as it’s you.”

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote an epilogue for this story !! you can find it [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28697859) <3
> 
> leave a kudos/comment or yell at me on [twt](https://twitter.com/violetholdsme?s=20)!


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